I love birth plans. As a birth educator and a Type A, plan-loving person, I believe that having a birth plan is a great way to:
- Explore your options and preferences.
- Communicate those preferences to your healthcare providers.
Here’s something that’s also true: Something unexpected happens during every birth. Whether it’s as minor as labor lasting a bit longer (or shorter) than expected or as significant as an unplanned intervention, the woman giving birth is always surprised by something.
The Road Trip Analogy
Here’s what I tell my clients. It’s a cheesy analogy, but it’s the best I’ve got so far: Think of your birth journey (because it is a journey) as a road trip. You could just plug your destination into Google Maps and follow along, letting things unfold as they will.
Or, you could plan ahead. You could think about which route you’d prefer to take, where you’d like to stop for breaks, where you’d like to eat some of your meals, etc.
Both approaches will get you there. But if you just follow your GPS, you might miss meaningful experiences along the way. Planning doesn’t mean everything will go exactly as envisioned—you might hit traffic, encounter unexpected detours, or change your mind along the way. But having a plan increases the likelihood that you’ll experience at least some of what you hoped for.
This is true of preparing for birth. We can’t control everything, but we can do some legwork to give ourselves the best shot at the experience we want.
The Problem with “Perfect” Birth Plans
If you’ve ever Googled “birth plan,” you know there’s no shortage of templates listing everything from lighting preferences to labor positions. While these can be a helpful starting point, they often create a false sense of control.
The truth? Birth doesn’t follow a script.
Here’s the tricky part about rigid plans:
- They can lead to unnecessary stress. If something deviates from the plan, you might feel like you’ve “failed” (you haven’t).
- They don’t account for the unknown. No one has a crystal ball to predict exactly how birth will unfold.
- They might overlook emotional needs. Labor is as much a mental journey as a physical one.
Does this mean you shouldn’t plan at all? Not at all. But reframing your mindset can make all the difference.
Birth Preferences: A Flexible Framework for Empowerment
Rather than thinking of birth as a checklist of “must-haves,” consider it a journey guided by preferences. Preferences help you:
- Become aware of your options and look into them so you know what to expect.
- Communicate your priorities with your care team.
- Remain open to the unpredictable nature of labor and delivery.
Think of your birth preferences like a roadmap: clear enough to guide you but flexible enough to adjust for detours.
How to Create Your Birth Preferences
Crafting preferences that are clear yet flexible doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Here’s how to start:
1. Reflect on What Matters Most to You
- Learn the basics of what to expect during birth so you know what options you may have. Taking a birth class is the best way to get this info (and not a hospital birth class – those can be good for learning your hospital’s policies, but they leave a lot out).
- What coping tools resonate with you—breathing techniques, movement, music?
2. Focus on Emotional and Physical Support
- Who will be your birth support team? Partner, doula, trusted family member?
- How do you envision those people supporting you?
3. Communicate with Your Care Team
- Share your preferences during a prenatal appointment.
- Express your priorities while remaining open to flexibility.
4. Write It Down (But Keep It Simple)
Instead of a multi-page plan, consider a one-page document highlighting:
- Your top priorities.
- Preferences for pain management, interventions, and newborn care.
- A note affirming flexibility: “We trust our care team and understand plans may change based on what’s safest.”
What If Things Don’t Go As You Hope?
If you need to make a quick decision during labor, use the BRAIN acronym to ask questions:
- Benefits: What are the benefits of this option?
- Risks: Are there any risks?
- Alternatives: What other choices exist?
- Intuition: What feels right to you?
- Next Steps: What’s the next best step based on the information you have in this moment?
And if the plan changes? This is where birth preferences shine. The mindset shift from “plan” to “preferences” helps you adapt with resilience.
For example, imagine you hoped for birth to start naturally but you need an induction. With preferences, you can still advocate for your remaining preferences—like movement during labor and delayed cord clamping after your baby is born—without getting hung up on one component of a rigid “plan” that didn’t go as expected.
Having a positive birth experience isn’t contingent on sticking to a plan. You can feel empowered and supported no matter what unfolds.
Take the Next Step Toward an Empowering Birth
If you’re ready to approach your birth as a transformative, empowering journey, I invite you to join my Birthing from Within for Hospital Births class. This live, virtual experience will:
✅ Equip you with the tools to navigate labor confidently.
✅ Help you connect with your values and craft flexible, meaningful preferences.
✅ Offer practical techniques to manage labor and communicate with your care team.
Click here to learn more and sign up!
Remember
A positive birth experience isn’t about sticking to a script—it’s about feeling supported and strong through every twist and turn. By focusing on your preferences rather than a rigid plan, you’re setting yourself up for a birth journey that’s meaningful to you.