There are so many things I wish I could tell all first-time parents about birth. One of the biggest? Birth always holds surprises. Sometimes, it’s the intensity or speed of labor. Other times, it’s a change in plans.
I’m a big believer in knowing your birth preferences and communicating them with your care provider. At the same time, labor and birth are journeys into the unknown. Sometimes, the path to meeting your baby looks different than you envisioned. But even if things don’t go exactly as planned, your experience can still be powerful and meaningful—you can still make the decisions you need to as it unfolds.
Birth Plans vs. Birth Journeys
Creating a birth plan is an important step in preparing for birth. It helps you clarify your preferences, advocate for yourself, and communicate with your care team. But birth is a winding, unpredictable journey, and sometimes, the road looks different than we imagined.
When plans change, it’s easy to feel disheartened. But these moments also offer opportunities for growth. They can teach you resilience, adaptability, and the power of leaning on your support system.
Your worth as a parent isn’t measured by how closely your experience matches your birth plan. It’s about how you show up for yourself, your baby, and this incredible transition.
What to Do If Your Birth Plan Changes
1. Pause and Breathe
The first step when things shift is to pause, if possible. You or your partner can ask, “Is this an urgent emergency, or do we have a minute to ask questions?” If it’s an emergency, trust that you are doing what you can by letting your provider take action. More often than not, there is time to discuss your options.
If you’re in the middle of a contraction, focus on getting through it. Then, ground yourself with your breath. Observe your breath flowing in and out of your body. Maybe even practice an intentional breathing technique—inhale for a count of four, pause, and exhale for a count of four.
2. Check Your Assumptions
After listening to your provider’s recommendation, take a moment to check in with your own thoughts. Ask yourself: What do I assume is my provider’s motivation for this suggestion?
Now, consider their positive intention. Most care providers have your best interest at heart, even if they don’t always see things the same way you do. Taking a moment to acknowledge this can help set the stage for open, productive communication. This doesn’t mean you have to agree or to say “yes”—but it does help guide the conversation.
For example, if your plan was to avoid interventions but your provider suggests breaking your water, you might think, “I assume their positive intention is to help labor progress safely.” From there, you can ask questions and make an informed choice.
3. Use the BRAIN Framework
When faced with decisions, the BRAIN acronym is your best friend:
- B: What are the benefits?
- R: What are the risks?
- A: What are the alternatives?
- I: What does your intuition tell you?
- N: What happens if we do nothing (or wait)?
This simple tool helps you approach unexpected changes with confidence and clarity. (Click to access a free printable BRAIN handout here.)
4. Redefine “Success”
What does a “successful” birth mean to you? Is it bringing your baby into the world with love? Feeling cared for and respected? Embrace a broader definition of success that honors your strength and adaptability.
The Power of Flexibility: A Real-Life Example
One mom I worked with planned an intervention-free birth. When she and her provider decided induction was the best choice, she felt disappointed. But instead of focusing on what didn’t go as planned, she focused on what she could control—choosing the induction method she preferred, avoiding an epidural, and ensuring uninterrupted skin-to-skin contact after birth.
Afterward, she told me, “Even though my birth didn’t look the way I imagined, I still felt strong and supported.”
The Takeaway
Birth is more than a series of choices or a checklist to complete. It’s a rite of passage—a profound journey that stretches you, challenges you, and ultimately empowers you.
When your plan changes, it’s not a sign of failure; it’s a chance to lean into the strength and resilience you already have.
Take the Next Step Toward Confidence
If you’re ready to feel more prepared for the unpredictable nature of birth, I invite you to join my live virtual class, Birthing from Within for Hospital Births.
This class will help you:
- Approach birth as an empowering journey, not just a series of events.
- Learn techniques for coping with pain, uncertainty, and decision-making.
- Build a deeper connection to yourself and your birth team.