I never thought of myself as a big worrier before I got pregnant. That was my mom—she was the worrier in the family. If anything, I had a tendency to brush off her (sometimes valid) fears. But, like many moms, lots of worries made their way into my brain once I was pregnant.
Would my baby be healthy? Was I eating well enough? How would the 20-week ultrasound go? And, of course, there was the labor itself. I’d wonder, “How will I cope with the pain? Will my baby and I be safe?”
And I have good reason (read: lots and lots of anecdotal evidence) to believe that even the most chill pregnant people have some variation of these thoughts cross their minds: “How hard will it be?” and “How will I cope with it?”
A Mindset Shift to Help with Worry
My first pregnancy went smoothly. My birth experience was intense, hard, fulfilling, and positive. So you might think that with my second and third pregnancies, I’d have worried less.
You would be wrong.
Each pregnancy came with its own fears. By the time I was pregnant for the fifth and final time, I still worried—particularly about another miscarriage (my fourth pregnancy ended at 12 weeks).
But I didn’t spend as much time worrying, and my worry was easier to cope with. That’s because I found a different mindset. It’s a mindset that helped me not only during my last pregnancy, but in my everyday life as well. And it came from my training as a childbirth educator with Birthing from Within.
Worry Is the Work of Pregnancy
The founder of Birthing from Within, Pam England, wrote the words: “Worry is the work of pregnancy.”
Man, are those words a relief.
It’s okay to worry. It’s even valuable work.
It sounds almost counterintuitive, right? Worry can feel heavy, exhausting even. But these words are an invitation to see worry in a new light: as a natural, even meaningful, part of this journey.
Worry as a Teacher
In some ways, our emotions during pregnancy mirror the rest of our lives—filled with love, fear, hope, and everything in between. And pregnancy, with all its power and intensity, has a way of holding up a mirror to worries, giving us the chance to examine them.
So what if, instead of running from the worry, we got curious instead?
Worry can call us to explore why we hold a certain fear:
- Is it based on reality, assumptions, or something else?
- Could telling someone about this fear ease its hold on us?
- Is there information we could get to settle our minds?
When we accept worry as part of the process, it invites us to prepare, to learn, and to think about how we’ll handle challenges if they come.
Worry can be the motivation to:
- Research your choices.
- Learn about your care options.
- Practice relaxation techniques.
It can remind you to prepare your birth plan—not because you can control everything, but because knowing your preferences and options gives you a foundation to adapt from. This kind of preparation doesn’t make the fear go away—but it does give you tools to meet it.
Facing the “What-Ifs” with Compassion
Worry invites us to ask, “What exactly am I afraid of?”
It allows us to imagine ways we might cope if any of those fears come to pass, equipping us not with guarantees, but with confidence.
We don’t need certainty to be strong and confident. We need only a willingness to face each challenge as it comes, trusting ourselves to meet it with courage.
So if you’re pregnant and feeling overwhelmed by worry, know this: Worry isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s part of the journey. It’s a call to prepare your heart and mind for all that lies ahead.
Just as you’re building the physical strength to bring new life into the world, you’re building emotional strength as well. So much growth is possible when you become the mother of a new little soul.
So What’s the Solution to Worry?
What does all this look like in real life? I like plans, so here’s a plan for you. When you worry, try the following:
- Remember, worry is the work of pregnancy. Remind yourself that worry is normal and you don’t have to be worry-free to be strong and confident.
- Get curious. Ask yourself these questions (writing the answers in a journal will be even more helpful):
- “What exactly am I afraid of?”
- “Where did this fear come from?”
- “Is this something that’s likely to happen?”
- “Is there someone I could talk to who would make me feel better?”
- “Is there information I could get from an expert or a reliable source that would ease my mind?” (Tip: The idea here is NOT to go down Google rabbit holes, it’s to figure out which specific information would be helpful to you and seek it out from a reliable source.)
- Think about the way you would cope if the unwished-for event were to happen. In the Birthing from Within classes I teach, we go through a process to explore actions you could take in the event that your fear comes to pass. This helps us move through the negative thoughts instead of dwelling on them. It can also decrease the likelihood of trauma to have a coping tool ready to go in the event that our fear comes true.
- Bring yourself back to the present moment with a Sensation Scan Exercise. Scan the area around you, and name what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. This is a good way to stop your mind from spinning with anxious thoughts anytime, anywhere.
You can find the simple Sensation Scan Exercise, as well as affirmations to help your mindset, yoga poses, and more, in my free quick guide, “Strong & Centered: Practical Self-Care for Pregnancy.”
Final Thoughts: Embracing the Journey
If you find yourself worrying, remind yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you feel.
Feelings are for feeling.
Worry doesn’t have to be something you conquer. It can be something you carry, with self-compassion, as part of this transformative journey.